As promised, I’ve been monopolizing my own thoughts with concerns about Long Board and Cupcake. And since it’s Adoption Free Friday, I must shift the focus of my freak-outs.

And this weekend provides the perfect distraction: Long Board meeting my brother Ram, his wife, my Mom and Dad.

Holy. Shit.

My parents haven’t even known a guy existed in my life since Cupcake’s bdad, and that was four years ago (yes, you’re doing the math correctly, she’s not quite three, but he was gone about seven months before she was born and he’d met my parents a bit before that….)

Point being – everyone’s pretty interested in the fact that I’m bringing a guy home.

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Remember that thing making me a stressball? The whole being stranded without a roommate situation? Well, I started to look for a new roomate using Craigslist. Yes, people warn me about being killed from my post, but I’m naively confident that those things won’t happen to me – which is what every 20-something girl says before the worst does happen. But anyway, I had some SERIOUS writer’s block and couldn’t come up with a good way to describe my apartment! Which only was extra frustrating because the last time I advertised it I did an awesome job writing it up!

Hoping to find inspiration, I read some posts other people had put up….a few minutes later I found myself sending an email to a girl looking for a roommate in the city where my parents live. The city where I work. The city I lived for 25 years. All of a sudden, I realized I was really excited about the prospect of moving home to my hometown.

SO – after giving my 30 days notice at my apartment, I will be moving home(ish)!

LB is super excited for me, my parents are freaking out happy, and my brothers are even getting in on the excitement and forgetting that they’re supposed to play the role of “very cool older brother.” It feels pretty good – and I realize that Husker leaving was probably the best thing that could happen right now. Because I definitely feel like I have that whole door closing, window opening thing happening….

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And because I feel like it, I’m also going to toss out an honorary face slap. No, I’m not doing the whole list of people that deserve a good slap, but a “friend” of mine recently pulled some BS and I just have to send the slap out into space….possibly to keep me from actually hitting him.

Two weeks ago I took Long Board with me to a friend’s birthday party. These friends were all really excited to meeting him – because they too haven’t met a guy I’m dating in YEARS. Like longer than Mom and Dad actually….Anyway, one “friend” came late-ish with his girlfriend, strutted in wearing the tightest pants I’ve ever seen on a man, and began regaling us all with stories about the Hollywood party he’d just attended, playing the worst version of the name dropping game I’d ever seen.

He proceeded to introduce me to his girlfriend, and I introduced him to LB.

I thought it all was okay.

Apparently the next day he called the Birthday Boy to talk about how I apparently couldn’t keep my eyes off his pants and was completely enamored by them, was totally enthralled with his stories about celebrity, and then began to bash LB.

And it’s not like he said LB had a bad personality, was rude, nothing. He went for his looks.

?????

What guy starts digging on another guy’s appearance? And to be honest, the thing he said is kinda true…it’s something that LB is pretty self-conscious about too – which made it an extra dick move to me. He basically said (though I’m using an example body part, cause this isn’t what it is), “And what’s with LB’s nose? It’s HUGE! I mean seriously – how is TG dating a guy with that nose? What is she thinking? Didn’t you notice it? He has a ginormous nose!”

Whatever made him think that it was appropriate for him to call up our other friends and say this? I have no idea.

But I know this – it deserves a slap in the face. Asshat.

So yeah, that’s what’s on my mind in Non-Adoption Land today….I’ll let y’all know how the big “meet” goes tomorrow night! Until then, I’m off for a couple days to spend time with my beau.