*I’ve posted this twice – once with video, and once without. I think the video fits into the post beautifully, hence not just posting the video password protected and leaving the text seperate. The text remains the same, as I wanted to share these stories with folks that don’t have the password – though if you don’t have the password, it might just be that you haven’t asked! Or that I forgot – so if you’ve asked – REMIND ME! I’m far from perfect

Oh, and also, I wrote this post weeks ago, so I apologize if it doesn’t seem incredibly up to date. I thought about rewriting, but I’d rather let the post reflect those initial, amazing, moments and reactions to them.

 

The whole visit was pretty darned awesome. But when I look back on the visit, there are those snapshot moments (no, not the ones I necessarily have actual snapshots of!) that stand out as defining moments in the visit, and in our relationships. Some of them are simple and clean and clear – others? Are admittedly a little more complex. The moment is more of a jumping off point for some big things, as opposed to a tidy little bow wrapping up a the wonderful package that day was.

And so, here are your moments:

The Bronze Medal moment was actually one of our last on the visit. The gifts had been given, the hugs were doled out, that last picture was taken. And Cupcake turned to her Mom and asked if I could come along in their car.

Though the visit was over, she wanted me to go with them. Dee let me know this was a great honor, and how she knew when Cupcake really approved of someone. Cupcake looked at me expectantly with large brown eyes, waiting for my acceptance of her offer. I thanked her VERY much for wanting me to come, but reminded her that I came in my car and that I couldn’t leave it at the park and had to drive it to my home. And that she would go to her home with her Mama.

Not entirely pleased, she accepted my gentle decline, and started on her way to the car. Dee opened up the car doors and began to put the toys, big wheels, gifts, inside. She asked Cupcake if she could show me how she could climb into her car seat like a big girl. Ever independent, she hopped right on in. Dee reached in to buckle her and Cupcake said, “NO! She do it!”

Dee laughed, stepped back, and let Cupcake have her way.

The moment of again, doing something I’ve missed every day since her birth was touching. It was so touching that Dee allowed me that experience, and touching that Cupcake wanted it. Voiced it.

I don’t take any of these actions as anything more than what they are. But I don’t take them to be anything less than what they are either.

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The Silver Medal moment is one of those complicated ones…..and one that you’ll be hearing about for some time in various ways as I surely ask for opinions, talk to Dee, and venture down an interesting path in our OA.

Cupcake was thirsty at the park, and since her Mom was sipping her Diet Coke, she gave Cupcake a tiny sip. Dee looked at me and shrugged her shoulders, “I feed her organic food, she never eats sweets or fast food, but until I can give up Diet Coke this is her one treat.’” I laughed totally “getting it.” Cupcake offerred me the bottle of soda next telling Dee that “This Mama needs some soda.”

Stunned silence from both myself and Dee while Cupcake stands with the bottle of soda in her extended arm. Dee took the bottle explaining to Cupcake that they don’t share bottles with others, then turning to me explaining that Cupcake was going through a phase where everyone is a Mama or a Daddy right now.

Okay.

I get that.

It just – wow – I mean, I am a Mama you know? And NO ONE really calls me a Mama…so to hear it from her mouth??? Talk about throwing me for a loop!

Now, as I’ve mentioned before, Dee always refers to me as Cupcake’s “special friend” and so I have no expectation at ALL that Cupcake would call me anything other than my name, or a friend.

Shortly after this instance with the bottle, Dee left us to sit under a tree flipping through an US Weekly. Cupcake wanted to swing – so swing we did. As she flew to and fro she announced, ”There are two Mama’s here.”

Okay, she’s bringing this conversation up – again.

“There are?”

“Yep.”

“Who?”

“That Mama (pointing to Dee) and you Mama (pointing to me).”

I was once again taken aback…..what do I do? I don’t want to be “that” First Mom that fills their child’s head with facts about how they gave birth to them before their parents are ready to have that talk, but at the same time, I’m not going to stand there and deny my daughter to her face.

So I ever so eloquently replied, “Oh, okay!”

Now, maybe she is going through a phase and calls everyone Mama – I don’t know. All I DO know, is that there were about 30 “legit” Mama’s at the park that day – and all of the other ones actually had children they were playing with. She even mentioned it again to another child as she exclaimed, “I have two Mama’s here!” Maybe she meant she was just playing with two Mamas, where most kids were playing with one. I don’t know…

So does Dee tell Cupcake who I am at home and just not reaffirm that in front of me? I mean, I know my daughter’s more than likely a genius, but even then, I don’t think this is something a 2 1/2 year old puts together entirely on their own. But she called me Mama. Not the other women we played with in the sand. Not the other women pushing their children on the swings. And no, not Punky Brewster.

She called two women Mama that day – and both of them were hers.

And the real kicker, is that it felt like Cupcake got it. 

To the critics of open adoption, believe me when I say, the roles are not confused by our children. Cupcake fell and bumped her elbow – she looked to Dee for comfort. Cupcake wanted someone to push her on the swings – she allowed me in. She’s incredibly bonded to Dee, but that doesn’t mean that we can’t find our own connection as well. Children have it in their capacity to love many people, and can be loved by many people. Even in my own OA, I never lived the experience of this before. Cupcake was too young to verbalize her understanding or her connection to us both. All of that changed at this visit. I saw with my own two eyes the link between a girl and her Mother, and a girl and her First Mother.

And yeah, to me, that’s pretty damned worthy of a Silver Medal.

*The future posts on this that I mentioned will involve when I contact Dee to talk about this occurrence – to ask her what she’s told Cupcake – and to make sure we’re all on the same page on this should it happen again in the future*

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And now, finally, the Gold Medal moment.

About 2/3 of the way through the visit, Cupcake and I settled in a shady corner of the playground, hidden beneath the plastic structure above, playing with buckets, sieves, and shovels. Inspired by the little boy beside her, Cupcake decided to make a volcano. She filled her bucket, added some water, flipped it over and let it sit. (Apparently sand volcanos take a great while before they’re “ready”). Upon completion of the volcano, she wanted to share in the great unvieling with her Mom.

She ran over to Dee and brought her back. I translated as Cupcake explained the process of making her “cano” and what exactly it was we were looking at here (as, tragically, her volcano was little more than a rectangular pile of sand). Dee told her it was a beautiful volcano. Cupcake promptly announced, “That’s all – bye!” and Dee laughed at her, said she was glad she was so comfortable with me, turned, and went back to her shady spot under a tree.

It was then that Cupcake looked at me and made an announcement. One that stunned me. One that she was excited to reiterate over and over again. Thus making it one that I was fortunate enough to catch on video. It’s a video that I’ll cherish forever – as it’s records a “first” in our relationship.

*Okay, really – THIS is where the video goes – so if you are reading this without the password, and you want to have the password – email me! If I don’t “know” who you are (like if you’re just generally a lurker – which is fine!) drop me a line about who you are, how you came to my page, whatever! And I’ll send you the password*

You’ll hear me in the background asking, “Who?” Not to challenge her assertion, but I think because I wanted to be 100% sure she was really talking about me!

You’ll also hear me say a very lame, “Thank you” – believe me, as soon as I turned off the video I swept her gently into my arms, nuzzled her, and said the words back to her.

It was freaking awesome. And the most amazing moment…….an amazing, awesme, gold medal moment for us.