Recently there was a discussion in Cyberland about my existence. Not about the “who’s” and the “why’s” of my story, but questioning if I even truly existed at all. It was suggested that perhaps I was a character of someone’s imagination. Apparently my story was too “convenient” and included details that a “real” person wouldn’t include.

This suggestion accusation inspired a LOT of different emotions in me and begged a lot of questions. First of all, huh??? Second of all, who has the kind of time to do something like that? Third, who has the mental ability to remember it all and keep their stories straight?? Not just on this particular blog, but “Thanksgivingmom” is now my Cyberthing. It’s on forums and chats and I comment on other people’s blogs and it’s an email address and everything. Who would dream up carrying on such an elaborate Cyber Charade???

It would just seem near impossible to maintain. Especially over the course of nearly 20 months of online participation. Especially since I don’t JUST talk about adoption and Cupcake – but I talk about my relationships, by friends, my work, my life. Not to mention the people that I’ve gone on to meet in real life – I suppose I must have made them up and their blogs as well as a way of supporting my existence….

The thought that someone could create such a “fantasy” life online and still maintain any semblance of a real life was preposterous to me! I would LOVE to know how such a person could do that successfully.

I was angry, sad, and hurt when I heard about the allegations. I had put myself out there so openly to have people accuse me of not existing was ridiculous. But other times it was just funny. It had to be.

I contemplated posting a letter on the blog. Something along the lines of:

Dear Loyal Reader

I suppose it is time that you knew the truth about me. I am not, as I have lead you to believe, a young woman that placed her child on Thanksgiving using Safe Haven laws. I apologize for this breach of trust, but you must admit, that was a pretty good backstory, no?

Please allow me to take this opportunity to properly introduce myself. My name is George and I am a computer technician living in Dayton, OH. I was injured about three years ago in a freak office supply avalanche accident and have been at home on disability ever since. With so much time on my hands I decided that I would pull off the ultimate scam by learning the language of adoption and creating a character that would be unique and interesting and would provide me a hobby and a way to pass the time.

Unfortunately, my time as “Thanksgivingmom” is coming to a close. Thank you for your dedication to this blog over the past year. It has truly been a wonderful experience.

Your friend,

George

Of course, I didn’t post this. Well, until now I suppose. I had to laugh about it or it just wouldn’t make sense. But I was trying to let some things die and not add any fuel to any fires. Now I think enough time has passed that this won’t be an issue anymore. I’m not mad that people accused me of being fake. I’m over it. If there ARE people that still think I’m fake, send George an email. I’m sure he will be keeping up with the Thanksgivingmom@hotmail.com email address for a while.

Let me know if you find out how he was able to keep this up for so long! I’m REALLY curious!

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Recently I’ve heard about some really disturbing adoption things. Falsely telling first parents that the children they placed had passed away. Closing adoptions or lessening the level of openness without reason. People encouraging expectant Mothers to dupe their children’s Fathers by placing under illegal or unethical means.

I finally understand why people think there are so many Fakes and Phonies on forums, blogs, the internet.

Because it becomes too much sometimes to believe that this is all true. It’s easier for me to believe that some internet freak would be able to make up a wild story than to believe that an adoptive parent would tell a first parent that their child had died when in fact he/she didn’t.

NOT because I don’t believe the first mom who told this story. If she says it, I absolutely believe her. I tend to blindly put my faith in people until they prove me wrong…yes, even on the internet. (Well, maybe not on Myspace – you say you’re a nice guy I’m not accepting your friend request, but I digress…)

The thing is, I don’t want to live in a world where I have to believe that aparents could tell such vicious lies. I don’t want to be in a place where people encourage others to lie. I don’t want to just accept that people do things without valid reason.

Yet I KNOW these people aren’t all the Fakes and Phonies that I wish they were. That every time I read about an adoption tragedy – on any side of the triad, perpetuated by any side of the triad – it’s not something that a bored Cyber-moron made up. That these stories aren’t the “exceptions to the rule” that I want them to be. These things happen far too often to all be made up.

But for the first time I understand why some people want to – NEED to – believe that some people are Fakes and Phonies.