Well I’m still woefully behind on the whole “catching up” that I was looking forward to. I actually spent time working at work today – go figure! Although I did use my lunch and breaks to try to read some blogs and forum posts and see what was going on in AdoptionLand. 

I even made a little list of things that I wanted to write about. Of course, since I made the list during a painfully long conference call I definitely left the list on my meeting notes in my office. That doesn’t help here at home sitting on my couch. 

So I’ll go to the most obvious thing for me to talk about. On Sunday, Cyber Bestie wrote about a bothersome advertisement for Safe Haven that she heard on the radio. Because she’s rockin’ awesome and is such a good friend she sent me an email about it before she posted so I’d have the heads up on the incoming link, plus now I’ve had a few extra days to think about this.

And think I absolutely did.  

Here’s what I think about this advertisement. It is really really bothersome. It is disgusting. It is WILDLY inappropriate.

And yes, this is coming from a woman who used Safe Haven laws. Yep, I said it. I’m against this. Why? Let’s go!

A PSA on a radio station targeting kids through teenagers? You know, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that the same radio station doesn’t advertise any programs in the same state that offer support and parenting advice as another option.  Hmm….I wonder why not! Seems so odd to me…almost like…ONE option is being presented as a perfect “Cure All” while other options are not highlighted in the same way…hm….

Classy move radio station.

Now I’ll be the first to admit – I don’t know the specifics of the law in the state for which the ad was designed. But if the law is anything like the one I placed under, there are some inaccuracies in the ad…

Let’s start with, “It’s safe….” Yep, I’m going stop before I even get to the next part of the sentence.

It is NOT safe to just have your baby and then take your newborn somewhere. Yeah, yeah, yeah, do as I say and NOT as I do. PLEASE. I had a baby all alone in my bedroom. I was 24 and crazy as it may sound researched labor and delivery (like that makes me a qualified expert or something – uh, it does NOT). Now at the risk of being graphic, having a baby is kind of a yucky process, especially if there’s no one else to help with any, uh, clean up? It is an exhausting process that doesn’t stop being exhausting once the baby arrives. Finding the energy to do anything, let alone all the things you would have to do immediately after delivering a child is impossibly hard. Cleaning the baby, cleaning yourself, and composing yourself enough to get to the hospital – even if you have assistance – is neither easy nor safe. It’s not safe to the Mother and it’s not safe for the child. I am forever grateful and thankful that my daughter was born perfectly healthy and stayed that way during our trip to the hospital. 

So no, the “Safe” in “Safe Haven” isn’t entirely accurate.

Now to the second part of the sentence, “…and confidential.” 

Where I brought my daughter – to a hospital – there were several people that tried to get me to breach my own confidentiality. To give a last name, contact information, an address, etc. This information WAS given to the SW later, but not to the hospital. As I found out later, had I provided that information the police would have the opportunity to decide if they would like to investigate the “abandonment” of my child. 

“Confidential”? Depends on how strongly you believe that definition to be…

How about, “And no one will ever have to know”??

I guess this part’s technically true. You don’t HAVE to tell anyone. But something about this sentence definitely strikes me as, “Once you leave your child at the hospital you can move on with your life and no one will be any the wiser.”

False. Just because you place using Safe Haven doesn’t mean you don’t live through an adoption placement. It’s different, it’s unique, but it’s a placement experience. You don’t just hear, “No one ever has to know” and then magically move on. It doesn’t work that way.

My greatest fear is that I’ll start to meet young girls on forums, coming across my blog, that say, “Hey, so glad I found your blog – I placed through Safe Haven too and there’s no one around that has that experience!” If that happens, I would be there for them all day long. It is a unique experience, but it’s not one that I encourage others to have.

And radio stations shouldn’t either.